Our Way

During my divorce I was on the receiving end of many comments. These comments varied widely, and generally said more about the speaker than me, or my situation, as comments often do.

"You mean you won't see your kids EVERY SINGLE DAY?"  Nope. "I would never allow that to happen". Okay. 

"But, won't you miss them?" Yup. 

"What kind of a mother doesn't have her kids ALL the time?" This one. "Even sharing custody with their father is unacceptable."  Actually, studies show that is the best arrangement for the kids. 

"Don't you want to be home with your babies?" Well, they are 3 and 5, in preschool and kindergarten. As a working mom with a career, and now a single mother, It would probably be irresponsible to quit my job and attempt to live off child support and state aid. Not a very good example for my kids either. 

"Maybe you can work it out".  Wow. What a great idea. I guess the last 2 years of both couples and individual therapy was just for giggles. 

People are judgey. We all are. We look at the world through our experience, knowledge and belief filled lenses. When something doesn't fit, we pass judgement. Sometimes in words, sometimes in actions. 

On the soccer field I was the only mom coaching boys kindergarten soccer, AND I was a divorcee. I say divorcee because it sounds sexy. Really I was chubby, hair pulled back, in fleece with a whistle. Still, I felt a little judged being out there, 3 year old on my hip, teaching the boys to kick with the side of their foot not toes, and to spread out for Christmas sake! I

Got some looks. 

Now my kids are 8 and 10. Life is still very challenging. Being a single mom is not easy. I co-parent with someone I would prefer not have as a regular part of my life. I struggle financially. I am

always in a hurry. With all that stress I try to be patient but often fail. If I lose my temper on a walk with my kids, judgey mcjudgerton is sure to walk by with words of wisdom, at the exact moment I DO NOT want to hear them. 

On the upside, I have found love again. For real this time. In it for the long haul. No, we aren't getting married. We are a family. Try explaining that. 

"You're not getting married?" No. "What are you doing". Being in a relationship forever. "Is that a new thing?" Nope. 

"Why don't you get married?"  Been there, done that. 

"What about major healthcare decisions? Death benefits". We will cross that bridge when we get closer to it. 

Domestic partners. Partners for life. Spiritual partners. Lovers. Best friends. Shacking up. Living in sin. Blended family. Call it whatever you want. Give us the stink eye. Support us. Love us. Hate us. 

We are a family. My family. And I would not have it any other way.