Bragging Rights

I came out of the divorce gate and hit the ground running. I don't know if it was the new-found freedom, the sense of self I had unburied or some sort of rebirth, but after the initial shock and tears I was all, "I am woman hear me roar"!  Here is a list of some of the cool things I did. 

1.  I joined a church. I visited a UU church towards the end of my marriage but it didn't feel like a good fit for me. About 6 weeks after my divorce I walked uphill to the church on my street. It is an Episcopal church. I grew up Roman Catholic and the service is almost identical. The people there were so warm. The reverened was a love. This quickly becamey second home andy church family. The following spring I had my kids baptized there and I was received. Best. Decision. Ever. 

2. I coached my son's soccer team. It was only kindergarten soccer, but I have zero experience with soccer. I never participated in sports growing up and I hated PE. In the fall I was assistant coach and in spring I was co-head coach. It was a blast!

3. I wrote a book. Okay, it was actually a part of a chapter in a textbook. I submitted 25 pages and it was edited down to 2. But I was published!!!

4. I wrote for the local paper. I covered committee meetings and school events. Fun, easy, good experience and it was paid work!

5. I bought a house. My ex and I actually continued to live together for exactly 2 weeks post-divorce until I closed on my house. Then I got my keys and sweet freedom! I have since sold it, but am happy to have had the experience. Including mowing the lawn which I had never done, fixing stuff with my pink tool kit, and decorating without compromise. 

6. I dated. Many adventures. It was terribly nerve wracking at first, but them it was great fun!

7. I went to Vegas. 

8. I tried some new things: zumba, volunteer work, teaching Sunday school, cooking. More recently knitting and running...even my first 5K!

Okay, brag time over! Despite the many challenges that follow divorce, I am proud to have reinvented, challenged, and pushed myself to pursue new things!

What is a single parent, anyway?

 Recently, I had dinner with a good friend. During our conversation I referred to myself as a "single mother". 

"Are you a single mother anymore?" my friend asked. "Honestly, I don't know." was my reply. 

We were referring to the fact that I live with my boyfriend of four years and he contributes to our household finances. But, is that all "single parenting" is about? Money? He has no kids of his own. I am responsible for all of my kids needs. I have the benefit of being able to run an errand after dinner while he is home with them, and our financial situation is improved. So, am I not a single mother? What does that even mean?

Shortly after my divorce, I was venting with a friend and she said something profound on the matter: "we are all single mothers in a way". She is married and has a son. I was not offended at all, as you might expect a newly minted divorcée to be. She was right. And this does not just apply to mothers, there are all sorts of single parents out there:

The married mother who has a husband that does not participate in any hands-on parenting. The single dad who lives with his parents and they are actively involved grandparents. The mother who

Is stateside raising her children while her husband is deployed. The father who stays home so his wife can fulfill her career dreams. The mom of small children who has a husband who works long hours and travels for work. The dad who shares custody of his kids. The grandparents, aunts and uncles raising children whose parents are addicted, in jail or dead. The mom who is divorced and juggling school and work. The teen mom. The teen dad. The widowed. The homeless. 

 There are all kinds of single parents with varying levels of support, be it financial, emotional, or hands on. There is no reason to resent the parents who are married. Maybe it is a terrible marriage. Maybe someone looks like they have it all but what they really have is a mountain of debt. Maybe one single parent is financially poor but wealthy in faith. Another might be just the opposite. 

The important thing to remember is there are all kinds of healthy support systems available.  You just have to keep looking, don't be afraid to ask and work with what you have. At the end of the day, your child or children need to

know that you love them no matter what.  Regardless of your marital status, financial situation or family, it truly takes a village. So surround yourself with the best you can find, count your blessings and just breathe.