Catharsis and Keys

Shortly after I wrote my February post, the "The Bitter Taste of Divorce" I finally figured out how to forgive my ex and move on. I just did. Sure, he can still be annoying, challenging, passive aggressive, a bit narcissistic. But at least I am not married to him. 

It was pretty cathartic figuring out this forgiveness. A downright epiphany. Let the trumpets sound! And, then...I realized I was not living the life I want. 

Like, not at all. I have the man, the kids, the dog, the education, the career. But not the life. 

I want vacations. I want date nights. I don't care if I own a home. I am enjoying renting. If something breaks, I call the landlord. 

I want to be debt free. I want to save money. For trips. To Paris. Milan. NYC. LA. Hawaii. 

I have cut every corner, but my life is still too expensive. My upper-middle-class, suburban, Boston community is sucking me dry. 

The good news is, my lease is up. So I can move. And we found it!!! A house on a lake!!!! Only one mile from the town where my kids will continue to attend school. 

Our new house is tiny. TINY. We may as well be camping. And we are all thrilled. There will be fishing, kayaking, ice skating!

This was no small decision. Friends were surprised. They thought we loved our house. We do. But not for the price. And not in any sort of attached way. We like the design. The hardwood floors and real mouldings. We like the idea of being able to hop on the bus to Boston. But we never do it. We never did at the lat house either. 

Some friends were a sounding board for this decision. They were divided as to whether or not this is move is a good idea. 

It wasn't their words of wisdom that guided me to knowing this is right for us. It was my reaction to their advice that led me to my truth. Let's face it, that is where the truth always lay...not on the heads or tails of the coin but rather in how we feel when we realize on which side the coin landed. 

My truth? There it was all along. I don't want all this STUFF. I don't want any more than we need. I want more time. I want more money for travel and fun. I will never get jazzed about being a homeowner. I will never be excited about renovations. If I get psyched for new appliances it will be because the landlord bought them. 

Maybe financial experts would say this is not the best long term investment. Renting. Saving for the trip to Paris I have wanted since I was 12 years old. I have come to realize though that I am not really. looking for financial advice. I was looking to unlock the secrets of a happy life. I finally found a key. Now to see if it is the right one. 

Our adventure has already begun. We are cleaning out, purging, selling, donating. 

We get the key to our new house on July 1. A new chapter. A new day.