Burning Bras

I hate bras. There, I said it. I will scream it from the rooftops, I HATE BRAS! I find them to be uncomfortable, sweaty, pinching, puckering, ill-fitting, tight, elastic, wiry, mean sons-of-bitches. Yes, I have been properly measured and fitted. Yes, I have tried myriad styles and brands. No, I do not have one I love. I don’t even have one I like. They are overpriced, lacking in quality, promise-breakers (i.e. this one is invisible under t-shirts) and I despise them. 

I saw a meme recently that said bras should be free because there are plenty of people that would be happy to hold my boobs up for me. Yes! Whether for ascthetics, fashion, modesty, or cleavage, the bra has become an expected necessity for women everywhere. 

In 1968, women protested the Miss America pageant by burning various women’s items, including bras. “Hippies” stopped wearing bras. But, in the end, bras won. They always come out on top. 

It is easier for some women to shed their bras than others. Big boobs probably need bras to literally help the women who carry them all day support their backs. Smaller, perkier boobs can often go without. But then there is the issue of the nipple. 

Sometimes, in cold air, the nipple will protrude right through a bra. But most of the time, the bra hides the point. I don’t honestly think the protrusion is a big deal (avert your eyes men, my eyes are up here) but I work in a middle school and I don’t want teaching boys to control where they look to be part of my (or any of the young, cute teachers’) job description. I mean I do want to teach everyone about consent, respect and self-control, I just don’t want to use me as a model. 

It is not a woman’s job to dress in such a way to assist men with their manners, thoughts and physical (both verbal and bodily) control. And yet, the earliest boob shaper/supporters  date back to ancient Greece! Control yourselves, dudes. It is just fat and glands. Some of you even have your own. Why the fascination?

Be it for fashion, trending body expectations, or support, I feel strongly that someone should have invented something more comfortable, easier to fasten, less heat-holding, and cuter, in all sizes. 

I grew up with a mom who wore something like a 38DD and had to buy a specific bathing suit brand with her cup size built in. She eventually had reduction surgey as those knockers did a number on her back and small frame. She was ecstatic when she healed. She was a happy, lighter 36C. After that she wanted to walk up to large breasted women everywhere and hand them her plastic surgeon’s business card. She was a new woman. 

I did not initially inherit her curves. In high school I was a 36B. In college, after going on the pill, I went up to a C. I gained some weight and wore a D. Lost some weight and went back to a C. Got pregnant and woke up one morning a DD. Nursed my babies, lost the baby weight but remined a D. Gained a lot of weight and morohed into a 42C where I now  reside. But I am bigger, and curvier and bras feel uncomfortable and restricting and so dang hot! When I was a perky B, I could go without. Even at my current size, don’t be haters ladies, I am blessed with minimal sag. 

One of my goals this summer is to wear a bra as little as possible. Often, I am in my bathing suit. Sometimes when I go out I layer tank tops. At home, no bra. I recently bought two, front-zip sports bras (thanks, Fila). These are easy to put on and comfortable. You might say I am an overachiever. I am really kicking this goal’s ass!

All this being said, I know when summer is over and I am back to work, I will return to the land of over-the-shoulder-boulder-holders. Unless someone can invent something newer and more comfortable by Labor Day, I will succumb to the cultural and fashion expectations that surround me. But, if anyone wants to join me in a bra burning movement, I am open to that too!