What is a single parent, anyway?

 Recently, I had dinner with a good friend. During our conversation I referred to myself as a "single mother". 

"Are you a single mother anymore?" my friend asked. "Honestly, I don't know." was my reply. 

We were referring to the fact that I live with my boyfriend of four years and he contributes to our household finances. But, is that all "single parenting" is about? Money? He has no kids of his own. I am responsible for all of my kids needs. I have the benefit of being able to run an errand after dinner while he is home with them, and our financial situation is improved. So, am I not a single mother? What does that even mean?

Shortly after my divorce, I was venting with a friend and she said something profound on the matter: "we are all single mothers in a way". She is married and has a son. I was not offended at all, as you might expect a newly minted divorcée to be. She was right. And this does not just apply to mothers, there are all sorts of single parents out there:

The married mother who has a husband that does not participate in any hands-on parenting. The single dad who lives with his parents and they are actively involved grandparents. The mother who

Is stateside raising her children while her husband is deployed. The father who stays home so his wife can fulfill her career dreams. The mom of small children who has a husband who works long hours and travels for work. The dad who shares custody of his kids. The grandparents, aunts and uncles raising children whose parents are addicted, in jail or dead. The mom who is divorced and juggling school and work. The teen mom. The teen dad. The widowed. The homeless. 

 There are all kinds of single parents with varying levels of support, be it financial, emotional, or hands on. There is no reason to resent the parents who are married. Maybe it is a terrible marriage. Maybe someone looks like they have it all but what they really have is a mountain of debt. Maybe one single parent is financially poor but wealthy in faith. Another might be just the opposite. 

The important thing to remember is there are all kinds of healthy support systems available.  You just have to keep looking, don't be afraid to ask and work with what you have. At the end of the day, your child or children need to

know that you love them no matter what.  Regardless of your marital status, financial situation or family, it truly takes a village. So surround yourself with the best you can find, count your blessings and just breathe.